U Joke

Nov 20, 2010 By Youngzine Members

Jokes By Kidsgreat free widgetsWidgetboxMore info

This is a growing collection of jokes submitted by Youngzine members, and one (updated daily) from kids around the world.

Do you know a good joke? Share it with everyone below! Also, feel free to comment on others' jokes!

Note: Please write it in your own words, rather than copy the text from somewhere.

Also, do not repeat jokes that have been said before. You can look back at all previous ones. New and different jokes keep it interesting for the readers!

2,074 comments

Comments

caseyg October 27, 2011 - 7:54am

whats black, white, and red all over? A newspaper.

rinoa October 13, 2011 - 9:50am

what did the article say to article? Hey i am telling facts here!

rinoa October 13, 2011 - 9:47am

what kind of beer do roots like?
" ROOT BEER " do you get it?

Writerstime November 5, 2011 - 3:46pm

that is funny.

Writerstime October 11, 2011 - 6:37pm

How do I do what?

Writerstime October 20, 2011 - 5:03pm

Thanx

Writerstime October 8, 2011 - 3:45pm

More 2011 Bestsellers Crazy Stuff to do By Ima Loony Fibbing Effectively By Liza Lott 100 ways to miss school By Ben Barphin

Writerstime October 8, 2011 - 3:42pm

2011 Bestsellers: Planning a surprise party By Al B. Darn Are you a liar? I.M. Knott Skydiving By Hope Shue-Toppins World Travel By I. M. Tyred and Jett L'Agg

Writerstime October 6, 2011 - 6:24pm

A woman goes into a diner with a dog in her hands. She bets $50 her dog can talk. The cook takes the bet and asks the dog,"what shelters this Diner from getting wet?". The dogg answers with a muffled "roof". Then the cook asks who the all time best baseball player is. It answers hith a small"Ruth " Then the cook feels cheated so she kicks them out of the diner the dog asks, "DeMaggio?"

Matthew14 September 17, 2011 - 7:56am

"Did you hear the one about the dumpster?" "No." "Good, because it stinks!"

Writerstime October 8, 2011 - 3:36pm

Ha ha ha!

Matthew14 September 17, 2011 - 7:54am

Three men were walking through a desert, Fred, Larry, and Bob. Bob asked Fred, "Why are you carrying a bottle of water?" Fred answered, "In case I get thirsty, I want to drink some." Bob then went to Larry and asked, "Why are you carrying a lunch box?" Larry answered, "In case I am hungry, I have some food." Then Larry looked at Bob and said, "Bob, why are you carrying a car door?" Bob answered,"In case it gets hot, I want to roll down the windows."

cgu123 September 9, 2011 - 11:15am

two men walk into a bar....the other ducked

mukundnandini August 31, 2011 - 4:26pm

What comes up at night in the waters? Anwer: A starfish!!

caseyg October 27, 2011 - 7:46am

thats a good one. i like it.

AnikaP August 24, 2011 - 6:15am

There is a four floor building. On the first floor (the lobby), are the parents of a bunch of children. On the second floor, there are tons of witches. The third floor is filled with sand. And on the fourth floor, there are all the parents' children. There is no elevator-- only stairs. How do the parents get to their children? They eat the sandwiches and make their way up.

Writerstime October 11, 2011 - 6:39pm

He he he!

AnikaP August 24, 2011 - 6:12am

Why didn't the leopard go into the shower? He didn't want to be spotless. Did you take a bath on Saturday night? Why? Is one missing? Which mountain is always sleeping? Mount Ever-Rest!

Writerstime October 8, 2011 - 3:37pm

Har har har!

AnikaP August 23, 2011 - 8:08am

Why did Suzie jump into the pool with a bowl of salsa? She wanted to take a dip. What has teeth but can't bite? A comb. Why was the broom late? It overswept. What did Dorothy say while taking a bubble bath in Oz? There's no place like foam. Why olympic high jumper can jump higher than the moon? All of them, the moon can't jump. If you held 6 bars of soap in 1 hand and 10 in the other, what would you have? Very big hands. What does a slice of toast wear to bed? Jam-mies. Why did Carla's mom write TGIF on her slippers? So Carla would remember "Toes Go In First." Why did the raddish turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

rinoa October 14, 2011 - 6:34am

i liked
What has teeth but can't bite?

A comb
Why did Suzie jump into the pool with a bowl of salsa?

She wanted to take a dip.

and
What does a slice of toast wear to bed?

Jam-mies.

Writerstime October 8, 2011 - 3:38pm

Lol!

Kiwi_FJ August 21, 2011 - 4:29pm

Why do the queens guards have the flu? Because they had their Bear skins on!!!

AnikaP August 11, 2011 - 8:21am

This is a joke from something called Cute Answers From Cute Children-- A little girl noticed that some of her mother's hairs were white so she asked her mother, "Why do you have some white hairs on your head?" Her mother replied, "Because I get one white hair for every naughty thing you do." So the little girl asked, "Then why is Dumbledore's hair completely white?"

AnikaP August 7, 2011 - 10:54am

Okay, so a French guy came to America and he didn't know any English. First, he went to an opera and he learned how to sing 'Mi.' Then, he went to a restaurant and learned how to say 'Forks and Knives, Forks and Knives.'Then he went to a candy shop when a girl took a gummy bear from her younger brother and he complained, 'She took my gummy bear,' which he also learned to say. When he came out of the candy shop there was a dead woman lying on the road. The police arrived in a few seconds and asked everybody, "Who killed this woman?" The man sang, "Mi, mi, mi!" The police asked, "With what did you kill her?" The man replied, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" So the police asked, "Why did you kill her?" So he said, "She took my gummy bear!"

JTL2004 October 21, 2014 - 6:07pm

THAT IS SO FUNNEY!! I told my mom and dad

Kiwi_FJ July 17, 2011 - 2:05pm

What's yellow & black and goes zubb zubb zubb?

A bee flying backwards!/An upside down bee!

AnikaP July 13, 2011 - 10:57am

ok here is another harry potter joke teacher: whales don't eat humans girl: yes they do a whale ate Noah teacher: no they don't girl: when i go to heaven i will ask noah teacher: what if noah went to the underworld girl: then i'll ask voldemort to ask him for me teacher: sigh...

AnikaP July 13, 2011 - 10:42am

ok this is a harry potter joke so if you haven't read harry potter then you won't get it Knock knock! Who's there? You know! You know who? That's right- Avada Kedavra!

Arjun June 21, 2011 - 10:50pm

Teacher- "If I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Leo- "Brotherly love".

Jacki July 15, 2011 - 5:51am

Haha good one!!

Ian June 20, 2011 - 10:24am

You know you're having a bad day when: -your swimming pool burned down -the good humor man yelled at you -your plastic flowers died -your false teeth dropped into the blender -you come out of memory class and forget where you parked your car

Matthew14 July 14, 2011 - 5:57pm

That's hilarious Ian! Mike is giggling and can't stop! He's still continuing!

Armaan June 21, 2011 - 8:32pm

Some of those actually can happen.

Arjun June 22, 2011 - 9:40am

True, true.

damonc June 5, 2011 - 10:37am

whats black and white but red all over?????

a penguin in a meat grinder

Writerstime October 11, 2011 - 6:40pm

I agree with zippyfire . That is creepy.

vu12 September 7, 2011 - 3:51pm

that's kind of creepy...

ashleym May 30, 2011 - 2:45pm

oh and to everybody who said my batwoman batman one doesnt make sense the point is that it is a unjoke! they make you laugh cause they arent jokes!

damonc May 29, 2011 - 7:09pm

What do you call an American drawing?
Yankee doodle!

I was once in a play called "Breakfast in Bed"
Did you have a big role?
No just toast and marmalade!

What key went to college?
Yale!

What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!

Why was the broom late?
It over slept!

What runs but never walks?
Water!

What is green, four legs and two trunks?
Two seasick tourists!

damonc May 29, 2011 - 7:07pm

What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
Ferry tales!

Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking!

Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8!

What's an insect's favourite sport?
Cricket!

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A minnie van!

Is this a second hand shop?
Yes Sir Good. Can you fit one to my watch then please!

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
By flood lighting!

damonc May 29, 2011 - 7:06pm

What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll hang around!

What did the picture say to the wall?
I've got you covered!

What is the best thing to take into the desert?
A thirst aid kit!

Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!

What is hairy and coughs?
A coconut with a cold!

What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!

Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
So he could loaf around!

ashleym May 28, 2011 - 6:33am

There was a blond, brunette, and red head. They were on a plane. The blond had a bomb. The red head had an apple. The bernette had a wallet. The brunette dropped the wallet. The red head dropped the apple. The blond dropped the bomb. They got off the plane, and saw a boy crying. They asked "why are you crying little boy?" "An apple just feel from the sky and hit my head!"
Then they saw a guy jumping up and down. "They asked why are you so happy?" he replied "A wallet just fell from the sky and hit my head! Im rich Im rich!"
Then they walked over to a woman laughing. they asked why, and she said "I JUST TOOTED AND THE BUILDING BEHIND ME EXPLODED!"

ashleym May 28, 2011 - 6:27am

whats green and has wheels?

grass. I lied about the wheels

JENNAH H_C April 7, 2012 - 3:55pm

funny!

kenn May 26, 2011 - 6:56pm

I wonder who made up jokes first, because he should be the most famous comedian in the world!!!!!!

ashleym May 25, 2011 - 4:26pm

what did batman say to batwoman before she went in the invisible car? Batwoman get in the car. HAAHA get it??

rinoa October 13, 2011 - 9:44am

nice joke

rinoa October 13, 2011 - 9:44am

nice joke

vu12 September 7, 2011 - 10:29pm

haha thats pretty funny :D

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